Her Wild Journey_Seeing Ranch series Page 18

  A dark cloud of fear settled around Beau. No way had Nat and Mrs. Garrison made it to the next town before the storm struck. They were caught somewhere between, lost and frozen.

  Both Beau’s heart and fists squeezed tight. Even though he had no part in Nat and Mrs. Garrison going to Hudson, he couldn’t help but feel partly responsible. He didn’t know why. Maybe he’d just messed up so much in his life that now, he expected everything around him to fall apart.

  “Why?” he thickly asked.

  Cadence’s shoulders heaved. “To get the schoolbooks.”

  Beau stared at her. The schoolbooks. Of course. They were so important to her.

  Mr. Garrison placed his hand on Cadence’s shoulder. “Do not berate yourself. There is nothing we can do now other than wait and pray. They are not that helpless. Nat and Mrs. Garrison have both been here for years. I would like to believe they know what to do in a snowstorm.”

  “That’s right,” Beau agreed, though he wasn’t so sure he believed the words. He was only saying what needed to be said, just playing the part that had to be filled.

  Nat and Mrs. Garrison could dig a cave in a snowbank. That would help them stay warm. But had they had time to do that? The storm came on so fast.

  “As soon as the storm’s over, I’ll get some men together and head out,” Beau said.

  Cadence sullenly nodded and Mr. Garrison just turned away, heading back into the kitchen. More heavy silence passed.

  Beau’s head pounded as he replayed everything that happened the last time he talked to Nat. It had been on the porch, when Nat punched him. They’d steered clear of each other since then, averting eyes whenever they got too close.

  Now, faced with the prospect of never seeing the young fellow again, Beau’s soul cracked.

  Was it his destiny to always have relationships end in the worst ways possible? A punch in the face and cold silences. They had been friends for years and now, the end could very well be this.

  “I’m sorry,” he croaked.

  Cadence looked at Beau as if she did not understand English.

  “I’m sorry,” he dumbly repeated.

  “For what?”

  “For being me.”

  More awful silence. It would have been so much better if she would yell at him. The quiet wasn’t right. He needed to know what she thought.

  “We didn’t leave things on a good foot,” Beau said.

  “How could we?”

  He nodded. “I suppose we can’t.”

  “You are the one who put a wedge between us, Beau Johnson.” Cadence nostrils flared. “Let us stop this. I cannot think about you right now. Nat and Mrs. Garrison are out there somewhere…”

  A tear slid down her cheek. “This could have been prevented, but it was not.”

  “Don’t blame yourself, Cadence.”

  “I need to.”

  “No. You don’t.”

  She gave him a sharp look and no words were necessary. Cadence didn’t know all the details of Beau’s past, but right then, he got the sense that she knew one thing. He was a hypocrite.

  “Nat defended you. He came and punched me in the face, let me know that I was a fool.”

  He’d expected the story to cheer Cadence up, but it did the opposite. Her chin quivered as more tears came. The sight robbed Beau of his breath.

  “Cadence,” he gasped.

  “No,” she whispered.

  He had not moved an inch, but the urge to reach out and pull her into his chest was overwhelming. Cadence was one of the strongest people he had ever met. If she was breaking down, things were bad.

  “You want to help?” she asked.

  Beau sat up straighter. “Yes.”

  “Well, you cannot. And that is because you choose not to. I have seen you parading around, acting like you have all the answers. So, tell me this, Beau. Why do you not just allow yourself to be happy?”

  Her attention pierced what little pride he had left. Beau nervously scratched his neck and looked down at the floor.

  “I know you still want the full story, Cadence, but I can’t give it to you. I think I already made that clear.”

  “It was rhetorical,” Cadence quietly said. “I know better now than to try and get an honest answer out of you.”

  That attitude… It only made her more irresistible.

  “You’d hate me if you knew my whole story,” Beau whispered.

  Cadence shook her head. “Stop. Just stop, Beau.”

  The people at the closest table looked over curiously, noticing the rise of Cadence’s voice. Realizing she was drawing attention to herself, Cadence lowered her face and blushed.

  The wind kept howling, low and mournful. A person could be five yards from the hotel and their shout wouldn’t have carried.

  Beau’s skin felt hot. He needed to get up and walk away, but this was the chance to redeem the last conversation they’d had—if only a little. “If I could go back in time, Cadence, I would love you right. I would appreciate you from a distance.”

  Her wet eyes softened and her lips slowly parted like she planned on saying something. In the end, though, she just looked away again.

  “I cannot imagine what it is like being you,” she said to the window. “I know only a fool puts themselves in another person’s shoes. But I shared my burdens with you, Beau. And that you cannot do the same… it hurts. Dreadfully.”

  Beau nodded. “I know. I’m gonna go before I hurt you any more.”

  “Do not bother.” Standing quickly, she took her leave through the kitchen doorway.

  Lord, help me.

  Beau’s face dropped into his waiting hands. It didn’t matter that people were near and probably watching him. He was so tired of being a broken man. No more Cadence. And now, possibly, no more Nat.

  He’d messed so much up. When would things change? Could they change? If only Beau was given a chance of absolving his sins, he would take it in a heartbeat. He’d walk through fire if he thought it would take away his Midas touch.

  Though he believed in God, Beau had always had trouble trusting there was such a thing as Grace. Though someone surely had created the world, that someone didn’t seem so active in it anymore. But maybe, just maybe, God was listening today.

  Lift me of this curse, God. Help me make things right. For Nat. For Cadence. For everyone.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  29. Cadence

  Chapter twenty-nine

  It was the absence of noise that woke Cadence. Tossing the comforter aside, she ignored the chill of the hotel room and went to the second-floor window. A blanket of white covered the streets and buildings, making it look like another town.

  It is over.

  Her heart pounding in her throat, Cadence dressed as quickly as she could. She had not bothered to undo her braid the night before and it now swung loose against her back as she gripped the banister and eased her way downstairs.

  “The snow has stopped,” she gasped as Mr. Garrison came in through the front door.

  He nodded solemnly. “I just spoke to the sheriff. He’s getting a few men together to search for Nat and the missus.”

  “I’m coming with.”

  Mr. Garrison hesitated. “Out there isn’t the place for you.”

  Whether he meant that because Cadence had a limp or was a woman, it did not matter. He was wrong.

  The door opened again and Beau appeared. He blinked at the sight of Cadence, but other than that, showed no emotion. She gripped the banister tighter, glad it was there to hold her up.

  In between merciless worries over Nat and Mrs. Garrison the night before, thoughts of Beau had plagued Cadence while she fell asleep.

  She had been harsh with him. Though she hated to speak that way to anyone, she’d felt there was no option. Beau had already broken her heart and now, he had to keep prodding it, for some reason. All she wanted now was to be done with him.

  Surely, he could give her that much?

  “We’re heading out in t
en,” Beau announced.

  Cadence nearly fell over from shock. He had not even heard what she said to Mr. Garrison and yet, he knew just what was in her heart. “All… all right.”

  Beau nodded, looking away.

  Ten minutes later, after wolfing down a biscuit and borrowing gloves and a scarf from one of the ladies staying at the hotel, Cadence climbed onto one of Mr. Garrison’s horses. The small search posse watched her out of the corner of their eyes, probably wondering just when she would need help.

  But she did not. As she sat up straight in the saddle, she caught a slight smile on Beau’s face. Unlike everyone else, he knew she was not weak and pathetic. Because of that, for the briefest moment, everything was fine between the two of them.

  They set off, Sheriff Mayes leading the way. The snow drifts became deeper as they left town behind and Cadence followed in the spots the sheriff’s horse had already tramped down. Beau rode behind her, but she tried not to wonder whether he watched her or not. Instead, she scanned the blinding landscape, looking for signs of life.

  Light bounced off the snow, making her eyes water. Periodically, she closed her lids and rubbed them, doing what she could to keep them working.

  On and on, the group silently rode. With each foot gained, the knot in Cadence’s stomach tightened. They could find Nat and Mrs. Garrison at any moment. She just prayed that they would be alive and well, not frozen and buried in snow.

  Suddenly, the line halted. Cadence’s breath caught and she leaned to her side, trying to look around the rider in front of her. Something was wrong. She could see it on the sheriff’s face.

  “We’re about halfway to Hudson,” Sheriff Mayes, breaking the silence. He turned his horse to face everyone. “But this is where the road splits. I recognize that post.” He pointed to an old, crooked post sticking up out of the snow.

  “They could have gone either way,” Mr. Garrison said, the slightest tremble in his voice.

  “Or they could have become lost from the road completely,” Sheriff Mayes tightly added. “We’ll split up into twos so we can cover more ground. Garrison, come with me. Fields, you’re with McGraw. Johnson...” He looked at Beau, then nodded in Cadence’s direction. “You two go southeast.”

  Cadence opened her mouth in silent protest before remembering that she was out of her habitat. The men probably did not want her there anyway. Complaining would only breed more animosity.

  Keeping her opinion to herself, she let Beau lead the way. He took them in the direction the sheriff had told them to go, the only sound the crunching of hooves in snow.

  Halfway to Hudson…

  The sheriff’s words rang through her head and her throat tightened. She’d been in this area twice. Once when her stagecoach went through it weeks ago, and once six years before.

  She knew it was a bad idea, but she could not help herself. Though she was still looking around for signs of Nat and Mrs. Garrison, Cadence also found herself searching for clues pointing to something else as well.

  She could feel it all around her. Her past. It pressed in close, begging her to stop ignoring it.

  Her parents were buried in Hudson. She had visited their graves only once, right before returning to Baltimore as a cripple. It was something she did not like to think about. In fact, riding there with a man she simultaneously loved and hated, she realized just how good she was at not thinking about how close she was to the place her parents had died. When she thought of Hudson, she thought of schoolbooks. Not the days spent recovering in a strange bed. Not the double coffins being lowered into the ground.

  Some would call that surviving. Cadence was not so sure.

  “We won’t cross the river,” Beau said. “They wouldn’t have. We’ll follow its bank instead.”

  Cadence started to answer, but something grabbed her attention.

  “I know that,” she whispered under her breath.

  Her hands shaking, she stopped the horse. The sound of Beau’s horse’s footsteps ceased as well. She couldn’t see him, though. Only one thing came in sharp. The rock outcropping with the scraggly tree leaning over the side.

  Do not do it, she told herself. Do not look.

  But Cadence couldn’t listen—not even to herself. Turning slowly to the right, she saw the dip in the land that she was afraid would be there. A rocky hill, it led down to the river. She had only seen the spot once before with her eyes, but since then, it had continued to appear regularly in her dreams.

  “Cadence.”

  She jerked in her saddle and stared at him. Someone was breathing heavily. Her? Was it her?

  Beau’s eyes slanted. “Everything all right?”

  “This is the spot,” she whispered.

  Beau’s whole face fell. Thank goodness, she did not have to explain further. Her tongue burned in fear of the words it did not want to say.

  “Where?” he asked.

  She pointed a shaking finger.

  Cadence did not know what to expect next, but Beau covering his face with his palm was certainly a surprise. He stayed like that a long time, hiding himself. From her or the world, she didn’t know. Couldn’t know. Her mind was not working right. It couldn’t in that spot. They needed to get out of there, to find Nat and Mrs. Garrison.

  “Beau?” Even saying that hurt.

  He dropped his hand and the pain there made her suck in a cold breath.

  “I tried to spare you this, Cadence, but I can’t do it any longer. I can’t go through with not telling you the whole truth.”

  Cadence gripped the reins tighter, afraid of she-didn’t-know-what. It was so cold out. What were they doing here? They needed to find Nat and Mrs. Garrison. They needed to get away from this haunted spot.

  “I saw the smoke signal that day,” Beau said.

  “What do you mean? What smoke...”

  But the words died as she understood what he was saying—or, rather, what he thought he was saying. Beau could not have seen the smoke signal Cadence and her parents lit. He was not in the area that day. No one was.

  “You could not have.”

  “I did.”

  Beau stared into her eyes and all the reasons why he had to be lying fell away. She saw it there. The truth. Hidden right behind his hazel irises, ready to come out. Cadence braced herself, but there was no point. She was falling. Whatever Beau said next, it was sure to hurt.

  “I told you that my wife Abigail died on our trip out here.”

  “Yes,” she painfully whispered.

  Beau’s Adam’s Apple quivered. “It was right before Shallow Springs. Just a few miles past where we are now.” He hesitated, an action that nearly killed Cadence. “It was six years ago, Cadence. The same day that your parents died.”

  “No.”

  “Yes.” He shook his head. “I didn’t want you to know any of this, Cadence. I was trying to protect you. I saw the smoke signal that day, but I didn’t stop because Abigail was sick. She was laying in the back of the wagon, couldn’t even move. I couldn’t get her to open her eyes. So, I kept going, thinking about nothing but getting her to a doctor. And I tried to forget what I’d seen. I told myself it was probably a campfire, even though there was too much smoke for that to be true. I knew deep down that someone was calling for help. But I… I was selfish. All I could think about was saving my wife.”

  “Beau,” Cadence hissed through gritted teeth. “Stop.”

  “No, you need to know,” he fiercely said. “This is the reason I can’t be with you.” He led his horse closer to hers, stopping only when they were an arm’s length away. Beau stared her down, daring her to challenge his confession.

  “Do you see it now, Cadence?” he asked. “How bad I am? I left you and your parents out there to die. Even after I got to town, I didn’t tell anyone about the smoke signal. Abigail was dead, cold before I could get her to a doctor. All I could think about was my own pain. I was that darn selfish. And even later, when I heard that two people had died out there… I didn’t tell anyone. I kn
ew it was my fault. It was a sin I’d committed and I would have to spend the rest of my life knowing three people died that day and all their blood was on my hands.”

  Cadence couldn’t speak. Only gurgling left her throat. Gasping in pain, she covered her mouth with her palm and turned her face away from Beau. This could not be…

  “You did not tell me,” she choked out, still not looking at him.